


barely holding up

by demonsorceress



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU, CW: mentions of canon character deaths, Established Friendship, F/F, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsorceress/pseuds/demonsorceress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after the death of Bobbi’s co-pilot and best friend Isabelle Hartley, the Jaeger Program needs everyone they can get their hands on. So she comes back, and reunites with the genius Kaiju scientist that missed her a lot, Jemma Simmons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	barely holding up

**Author's Note:**

> Quick explanation: Bobbi's story is basically Raleigh's in the movie, though I took the liberty to change the time passed between Anchorage and the present, and this fic is set around when he goes back to work in the PPDC. May is the Marshal, but don't bother to associate other characters here to Pacific Rim characters—in my mind, the headcanon I came up with a while ago, Skye plays the role of Mako, though in this fic I put Fitz in charge of the Mark-3 Restoration Program because I wanted him involved with J-Tech and not Skye. Not that I went into that a lot in the fic, but I'd like to clarify that regardless.  
> SPOILER WARNING: This fic spoils a pretty big character death that happens in the mid-season 2 finale (2x10), so if you haven't seen that yet, you might want to bookmark this fic and read it once you're caught up on the show ;)

“Bobbi is back.”

Jemma is glad she isn’t holding a Kaiju tissue sample when Fitz tells her the news, otherwise it would’ve ended up on the ground like the scissors she drops. She quickly bends down to pick it up, embarrassed by her reaction, but Fitz can’t have expected anything less from her. This is far from what he usually qualifies as good or even great news, such as when there’s something he likes for lunch. This is completely unexpected news.

Bloody hell.

Jemma hasn’t seen her since Anchorage. For about a few months after it happened, Jemma thought that Bobbi was only taking a temporary break, that she’d come back sooner or later. But after three and a half years? Jemma didn’t even consider her return as a possibility anymore.

It’s been a while since Jemma heard about her. The last thing she knew came from an overheard conversation between two Rangers about a year ago, saying they’d heard she was working in the Coastal Wall. It’s hardly a coincidence that, just yesterday morning, a Category IV Kaiju had no trouble breaking through a section of the wall in Sydney, proving it a complete failure and waste of resources.

After a while, Jemma just assumed that Bobbi wouldn’t want to return to the PPDC without Isabelle Hartley. It made sense; they’d been in this together since the beginning, friends even before joining the Jaeger Academy, gone through the entire training together and fought side by side in the Conn-Pod for years. Hartley’s death and Bobbi’s consequent departure were immesurable losses for the Jaeger Program, yes, but it’s understandable that Bobbi’s co-pilot and best friend’s death meant the end of it all for her.

However, by the looks of it now, Jemma’s hopes that she’d come back weren’t so misplaced after all. She should have just known to wait a bit longer.

“Are you _sure_?” She asks Fitz, carefully setting down the scissors on the table. “Who told you?”

“I saw her with my own eyes.” He’s quite amused by how her entire expression lit up as soon as she heard the news, despite her skepticism. “Marshal May was showing her the Jaegers we have left.”

Jemma’s eyes widen. "Do you think the Marshal personally went after her?"

He nods. Ward told him that the Marshal had been out all morning, and came back to the Shatterdome with Bobbi. He can't deny it felt a bit like they were teenagers gossiping in high school hallways, but no one tells the scientists anything, so they have to find out by themselves somehow.

"I think she should have gone sooner, even," Fitz says, much to Jemma's surprise. "The PPDC is hanging by a thread, Jemma. We have a few Jaegers left and barely enough competent Rangers to pilot them. All the while Bobbi was out there, and doing what, building the wall that Mutavore went through yesterday like it was made of bloody stacking blocks?”

He has a point. They need everyone and everything they can get their hands on, and if Marshal May thought there was the smallest chance Bobbi Morse would be willing to come to Hong Kong, then she was more than right to try.

It must have been a shock for Bobbi to see the current situation of the PPDC. Of course, there’s no way she didn’t know things have changed a lot since she left, but still, being back means she’s seeing the formerly gigantic PPDC entirely with her own eyes in one Shatterdome. The one in Anchorage, where they all met, was deactivated, along with the six others, leaving only Hong Kong and for a limited time. The Jaegers she saw—they’re all the program has left.

Bobbi's departure coincided with the beginning of a drastic change in the fight between Jaegers and Kaijus—Jemma tends to refer to the two different phases as before and after Anchorage. After that one, the world saw an unexpected spike in Kaiju attacks that led to the destruction of almost all the Jaegers; consequently, the other Shatterdomes were shut down and funding was reallocated to the construction of the Coastal Wall.

Jemma has nothing to add; her mind is too busy with the news of Bobbi’s return to think about anything other than how much she missed her friend. It’s something she never really told anyone, not even Fitz, but he must have noticed by the way her eyes grew wide whenever someone did so much as mention her name.

As if reading her thoughts, he says, “She asked about you.” The hint of a smile crosses Jemma’s lips. "She can't wait to see you again."

She frowns. Now he’s just messing with her feelings, obviously.

“Oh, what makes you think that?” Jemma asks, voice full of sarcasm.

He shoots her an impatient glare. “She said and I quote, ‘I can’t wait to see her again’.”

She purses her lips together, not only in a lack of what to say after that but also to keep herself from smiling dumbly.

Bobbi and Fitz had a short conversation back in the center of the Shatterdome just a few minutes ago when he noticed Marshal May had finished giving her the “welcome back” tour, and everything she said after asking about Jemma was, “I’ve got some time before the tryouts to find a new co-pilot later. I’ll be in my room; tell Jemma to stop by if she’s not too busy, will ya? I can’t wait to see her again.”

So he tells Jemma the rest of it, and she excuses herself from the lab to go see Bobbi.

  
  


_She’s back_. Jemma’s face breaks into a wide grin as she tries to contain her anxiety just enough to _walk_ through the hallways rather than run all the way to Bobbi’s room.

—

They were having lunch together when the systems detected movement in the breach.

Bobbi found it quite entertaining to listen to Jemma talk about her discoveries when studying organs and tissue samples from a fallen Kaiju. She had once been just as passionate about Kaiju Science before deciding she wanted to be a Ranger. Maybe that was one of the aspects that had drawn her to Jemma, her unapologetic enthusiasm about science; not that the bright-eyed scientist had needed much more than her captivating personality and sweet smiles to draw Bobbi's interest.

However, if there was one thing Jemma liked more than babbling about fallen Kaijus, it was to hear the stories of how said Kaijus were defeated.

And who better to tell her those stories than one of the best skilled Rangers of the Jaeger Program?

Bobbi was close to the most thrilling part of the San Diego attack, where she and Izzy used the plasma cannon in their Jaeger to kill Clawhook, when duty called.

“ _Kaiju alert. Raptor Whirlwind, report to Bay 08, at A-42. Kaiju. Code name: Knifehead. Category three. Eight-seven hundred metric tons._ ”

Bobbi immediately abandoned her half-eaten lunch and jumped to her feet.

Jemma felt her heart tighten just a little; it was impossible to avoid that. Bobbi was going to be inside a huge metal robot in a few minutes, yes, but right then she was just _Bobbi_ , a small, fragile human compared to the gigantic monster that was coming their way.

“Try not to die,” Jemma said like she always did. She wondered if Bobbi knew the meaning behind those words went far deeper than it seemed. _Please don’t die_.

Bobbi gave her a reassuring, confident smile before running off to the Drivesuit Room. “I’ll be back to finish that story.”

  
  


It seemed like just another Kaiju attack, except it wasn’t.

Bobbi Morse never came back to the Shatterdome. Isabelle Hartley never came back at all.

—

Jemma hesitates before knocking on Bobbi’s door. She can’t believe this is happening after three years thinking she might never see her again.

When she finally knocks, the response comes in a heartbeat. “Jemma?”

Jemma thinks her heart really shouldn’t be beating this fast. “Hello,” she says awkwardly, knowing Bobbi will recognize her voice.

Bobbi pulls the door open, unable to stop the smile that spreads across her face when she sees Jemma.

For a moment they just stare at each other, wide-eyed, not really sure what to do next, and slightly overwhelmed by how much they missed the other.

And then Bobbi lets out a soft chuckle, says, “Come here, Jemma,” and pulls her into a warm hug.

Jemma nearly melts into Bobbi’s arms; the hug is tight, almost suffocating, and wonderful. Their height difference is so big that Bobbi can rest her head on top of Jemma’s, with Jemma’s head buried on her chest. And it feels so, so good.

Jemma remembers the last time they hugged like that; not a casual hug, but one of those _I'm glad you're alive and safe_ hugs. It was a few months before Anchorage, when Bobbi came back from a particularly difficult and therefore life-threatening Kaiju attack. Jemma had been in the LOCCENT, anxiously following the battle when something went wrong and Bobbi stopped responding; it was a terrifying minute until Izzy assured the LOCCENT that they were both fine. Jemma only calmed down when Bobbi was back to the Shatterdome, arms tightly wrapped around her waist.

When they pull away after a while, Jemma immediately notices the scars. She’s wearing a grey tank top, and Jemma can see the burns on her left arm, all the way to her chest and her back under the top. They’re unavoidable reminders of her worst battle, when Knifehead ripped off their Jaeger’s arm and the circuitry of her drivesuit overloaded, being burned into her skin. That didn’t hurt nearly as much as when the Kaiju went for their Jaeger’s head next, pulling Izzy out from the Conn-Pod and forcing Bobbi to experience her best friend’s death through the drift.

Jemma doesn’t notice she’s touching Bobbi’s arm, ever so gently, mesmerized by how the scars are so clear they almost look like tattoos, until it hits her and she pulls her hand away abruptly. “I’m- I’m so sorry,” she mumbles.

“It’s okay,” Bobbi says in that reassuring voice Jemma got so used to years ago. “God, Jemma, I missed you so much.”

Jemma looks up at her and finally allows that dumb smile to reach her lips.

Physically, Bobbi looks exactly the same as she did before she left, except for the scars. But there's just something different about her—something that isn't there anymore because it _can't_.

Jemma got used to her friend's unwavering confidence, in a time when there was no reason _not_ to be confident. She was an extraordinary Ranger and she knew it. The Jaegers were winning, and Bobbi was _happy_. Her contagious positivity is something Jemma remembers dearly—she believed the war against the Kaijus could and _would_ be won, and fiercely believed she was going to survive to tell the story.

Now, however, that part of her is gone. The end of the world is dangerously close, and the PPDC can only do so much to delay it.

It's like her confidence and optimism were violently taken away from her and replaced with those scars so that she never forgets she had to finish the battle by herself after watching her best friend die. (Bobbi was the second pilot to ever accomplish what she did: pilot a Jaeger by herself for long enough to kill a Kaiju. The first one is now the Marshal, Melinda May.)

It's sad to notice that change in Bobbi, but no one could possibly come out of that unscathed and Jemma is just really glad she's still alive, and she's back.

"I missed you too," Jemma says, her voice a mere whisper. "I didn't think you would come back."

“It wasn’t on my plans. I mean, I had thought about it before, but…” She trails off, and Jemma knows what she’s trying to say. She changes the subject to the bigger picture rather than herself. “I knew the program was not in the best of places, but I didn’t know it was this bad either.”

Jemma sighs. “Marshal May says we’re the resistance.”

Bobbi is quiet, thoughtful. _We’re no longer an army, Morse_ , May told her. She sits on the edge of her bed, and pats the spot next to her for Jemma to sit there. Then she says, “I heard about Victoria and Trip.”

Jemma freezes.

 _Trip_. It’s only been four months, and the simple mention of his name hurts like someone kicked the air out of Jemma’s lungs.

And she’s not too good at hiding that.

Bobbi puts an arm around Jemma’s shoulders and rubs Jemma’s arm up and down affectionately, pulling her closer so that Jemma can rest her head on her friend’s shoulder. “How are you holding up?”

_Barely._

But Jemma doesn’t tell her that. She’s got enough on her plate already.

“I should be asking you that,” Jemma says instead, and Bobbi lets out a dry chuckle. Always so selfless.

Truth is, it’s been hard on both of them.

Trip’s death was a punch to the stomach that Jemma wasn’t ready for. No one was. The Rangers the PPDC has left, plus Jemma and Fitz, the scientist and the engineer, they’re all friends—hell, they’re like family. And it feels like they’ll continue to die in battle, one by one until the Jaeger Program is gone.

First it was Hartley, in the same battle that also cost the life of Idaho, Lance Hunter’s co-pilot. Then Victoria Hand, the fierce pilot with bright red streaks on her hair that used to date Hartley, died a year after her girlfriend. And, a few months ago, a particularly cruel battle was the last one for Antoine Triplett—no one knows how Skye managed to survive, but the loss of her co-pilot was devastating.

He wasn’t only Jemma’s friend, or Skye’s, or Bobbi’s before she left; Trip was everyone’s friend, he was the one who walked around with a big smile on his face to brighten up everyone’s day even though the world was— _is_ —ending. Without him, that realization feels painfully more real every day.

“I’m good,” Bobbi answers, not too certain. “Glad to be back. I think. Are you still the head of K-Science?”

The question brings Jemma back to three years ago, in the Anchorage Shatterdome, when she was the superior to a whole division of young, bright scientists. All of that is gone now. “My lab is the entire division,” Jemma tells her.

Bobbi raises her eyebrows and exhales deeply. “At least it’s in good hands,” she says, smirking at Jemma. “How’s Raptor Whirlwind doing?”

Jemma wonders if she’ll ever get tired of hearing Bobbi talk about her Jaeger like it’s her friend—a friend who was in pretty bad shape when Bobbi last saw her.

“Fitz and Mack were in charge of the Restoration Program. She’s as good as new, you have to see it for yourself.” Jemma furrows her brows. “Wait, haven’t you seen her yet when you got here?”

Bobbi shakes her head. “I wanted to see you first,” she says like it’s nothing. Little does she know that, to Jemma, it means a lot she priorized seeing her before Raptor Whirlwind. “I’m sorry I left without even saying goodbye to you. Or anyone.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to apologize,” Jemma assures her. She’d never be upset about Bobbi leaving without saying goodbye; she was, however, quite saddened by not being able to do anything to help Bobbi in that moment. “Though, since you left and I couldn’t say this sooner… I’m so sorry about Izzy.” Bobbi gives her a thankful look and then lowers her head.

“Thank you,” Bobbi says, her voice lower than before. “It’s hard to even imagine doing this with anyone else but her.” She’s referring to the drift, sharing her memories—not only her memories but part of Izzy’s since they were connected when she died—with someone else after so many years only letting her best friend into her mind like that. “But, you know… I have to.”

Jemma goes over her options of what to say to Bobbi, and they don’t seem too good. So instead, she figures out a way to cheer her up, just a little bit.

“How about we go see Raptor Whirlwind now?”

Jemma has seen the Jaeger nearly every day for the past 3 years throughout the entire Restoration Program, and the result is amazing. Bobbi is going to be so happy to see her Jaeger fully restored, and even better than it was before.

Bobbi stands up and offers Jemma an arm. Jemma happily takes it.

“C’mon. I don’t want to keep my Jaeger waiting.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know, the Jaeger name sucks. I used a Jaeger Name Generator, so don't blame me.  
> You guys, writing Pacific Rim AUs is so much fun. I'm planning on doing this again in the future, who knows. Maybe a short sequel to this one.


End file.
